As I expected, predicted, and had confirmed late yesterday evening

Canceled might not be the right word, because in reality it was never actually set up (on their end).  On my end however, we were ready to go all week, and have been ready to go for the past few months.  But I like to think positive, and when one door closes another one opens.  I spoke with the homey at the label and they are verrrrrrrrrry very interested and want (need) to make a move fast.  I have other labels (that have flown me out to LA) who are at a similar tipping point.  Once one label bites, the bidding war begins!!!!!  haha well… we’ll see.

It’s not about the highest bidder because it’s not about the advance money to me (I’ve never been motivated by money), it’s about whoever offers the best support system for my movement; whoever believes in me the most and will give me room to breathe and continue to be the creative force that I am now, but on a much more incredible level.  I have BIG fuckin dreams, and I want to be in business with someone who’s looking through that same scope.  The homey I spoke with yesterday seems to be on the same page.  My homey out in LA who flew me out also sees the tremendously large takeover picture.  This is a really really good thing.

This is because of the time, work, effort, practice, branding, marketing, and ARTIST DEVELOPMENT that my team and I have worked so hard to cultivate over the past few years.  I’ve cut out tens of thousands of dollars in spending for the labels and years of aggravation, trial, and error.  Failure comes fast and hard and a hell of a lot more frequently than success does in the beginning.  One of the main points I like to hammer home during my introductory meetings with these label guys is that I’ve worked for what I have.  I didn’t buy it (like so many artists I could name right now but I do my best to not burn bridges), and I wasn’t born into it (like so many artists I could name right now but I do my best to not burn bridges).  I fucking earned it, and I appreciate every bit of success I get because I’ve tasted the horrors of failure time and time again over the past six years.  I’m not motivated by money, so when I get it (and I will) I’m not going to call it a day and go live on the beach somewhere.  I see money not as a reward but as an opportunity to further expand my business and to reinvest.  What I love is music, film, and business.  Not money.

And please don’t fall under the impression that all I’ve done is fail fail fail for the past six years and I must not be very good at what I do.  Like most entrepreneurs, I’m constantly looking two steps ahead at where I feel like I should be; I rarely look back at what I’ve accomplished.  But I’ve been very successful over the years.  I’ve got labels fighting over me now, because I’ve gone from nothing to something 100% on my own.  I have 25MM views on my youtube music videos.  I successfully run five businesses right now (Record Label, Publishing Company, Live Show Touring Company, and two film companies), I have a degree from Temple University (cum laude thank you very much) and I do what I love full time.  Ha!  There you go, I just had one of those moments where I look back at what I’ve accomplished.  Now, on to the next.

My manager has a bunch of conference calls on Monday with these label goofballs so I’ll know more then.  In the meantime, I just got one of those GoPro HD underwater cameras and I’m filming a music video for my new song “Let Me Introduce My Band” — cliff jumping at Devil’s Pool on Sunday.  I can’t wait!!!!!  It’s going to be so fun haha

Hierarchical bureaucracies are terrible.  Those who work there are so concerned with just keeping their job that they completely sacrifice the purpose of their position. They oftentimes see little point in what they are doing, and the organizations they work for don’t know where they are going, and as a result, neither do these people.

Sounds like a pretty spot-on description of the collapsing music industry, doesn’t it?  Interesting thing is, I just paraphrased the above paragraph from a Forbes article talking about middle-management positions in the workplace and how they are the most hated jobs.  The music industry is just like every other business!  I don’t know why people act like it’s so wildly different.  The only difference I see is that there are a lot of under-qualified people in powerful positions making (bad) uneducated decisions.

Just so you know, the music industry doesn’t see very much money compared to other industries.  The Dow Chemical Company alone sees more money than the entire music industry.  Sure, the profit margins are RIDICULOUSLY large in music as there are no raw material costs.  When someone makes $25MM on a song, they keep $24MM (pre-tax lol) in profits because it doesn’t cost them much to make the song.  In other industries, such as the chemical business, you might have $25MM in sales, but the raw materials for the products you sell cost $24MM, so at the end of the year you only make $1MM.

But back to the showcasing coming up.  I’m pumped!!  I’ve got rehearsal tomorrow and hopefully I’ll be in NYC on Thursday and we can get things rolling!

I woke up this morning and my world had changed. 

I read this book last night called “The Defining Decade“, which I wouldn’t necessarily recommend as it’s a rather depressing collection of true stories of 20-something year old clients this psychologist has worked with — who’ve pissed their 20′s away.  It serves more as a warning and case study on what not to do, rather than a motivational read.  What really stuck with me however was the last section of the book which touched on the science of how our brains develop in our lifetime.  Your brain has two major growth periods in your life:  once at the beginning (ages 0-5) where you pick up all of your linguistic, motor, and other functional skills, and a second time between the ages 20-30 when the frontal lobe fully develops which is the judgement, reason, and logic section of your brain.  After this, your brain doesn’t develop further (rather, it “prunes” itself and permanently turns off sections that it feels are not of use).  The decisions we make in our 20′s with regards to how we deal with problems, stress, relationships and work are forever programmed into our brains.  This means that how we deal with things now… is how we’ll deal with them for the rest of our lives.

This is scientifically true, there’s no arguing it.

After reading that, I transitioned through a period of enlightenment literally overnight.  Let me explain:

This weekend I hit a pretty low point mentally and emotionally.  In fact, I’ve never been more miserable and angry in my life.  This was all because things aren’t going as planned right now (to put it simply) with my music business.  I don’t show much frustration externally (i.e. anger fits, drugs/alcohol, taking it out on loved ones, etc. isn’t really my style), but I torture myself on the inside relentlessly, which is I guess better because I’m not affecting others?  But at the same time — equally just as bad for me.

I refuse to be 50 years old and spend my weekends like I did this past one just because things at work aren’t going 100% as planned.  How I deal with things now is how I’ll deal with them for the rest of my life; something needed to change immediately.  I’m not going to let things like this bring me down.

And so this morning all of my stress, anxiety and anger was gone.  I honestly feel like how those guys who so passionately exclaim they’ve “found Jesus!!” must feel.  And you never know, maybe it is God?  Maybe it’s just my new perspective on life?  The only thing I know for sure is that I’m motivated, determined, more patient than ever and pumped to keep things going with music, and for everything else that lies ahead.  The problems stay the same, my solutions stay the same, I just don’t go through the horrible stress, anger, anxiety and bitterness like I once did.

It’s corny but… life is what you make it.  Make it good!  If you’re dealing with your own depressions, I hope you can figure a way to make it out.  And if you’re 20-30 do it now!  Or you’ll literally be stuck like that forever.

Inaction breeds fear and doubt.  Action breeds confidence and courage.  Don’t sit home and think about it, go out and get busy.

Ahh, catharsis. 

I may not be in control of much at the moment (which drives me crazy), but I’m trying to just put on my patience cap for the next 30 days and see what happens.  I’ll re-assess then.

EMI expressed interest in me last September, 2011.  For months I went back and forth from Philly to NYC taking meetings, showcasing, talking and showcasing more (scroll back in my blog and you can see my posts).  The week they planned to hand me my deal memo was the week EMI headquarters announced they had found a buyer (and that essentially everyone in position was at risk of losing their job).  Long story short, the President of the sub-label that was days away from offering me my new job, lost his.  And thus my deal never came to be.

Capitol Records in LA. Feb 2012

Not much long after (but what felt like years to me) I met up with who would become my current manager, Mr. Lobel.  Since joining forces with him (and he is one to be reckoned with), I’ve met more industry moguls, bosses, presidents and CEO’s than I could count on 10 hands.  From PA to LA and back to NYC I’ve traveled for the past two months now.  Like I said, things are ever changing…

But I’m still dying a horribly slow death of anxiety!  This state of limbo has been going on since last September = 8 months.  Even as I write this now, trying to express how hung up I am, my descriptions are futile and do not do my torture justice.  All I do is wait around weeks at a time to hear back from the A&R’s and Presidents that I’ve met with, to see what decisions they’ve come to.  I have no idea whether I’ll receive a call this week telling me everything I’ve ever worked for has paid off and my dreams are to come true, or that “I’m just not what their roster needs right now”.  I already know what it feels like to have my dreams within my grasp and then ripped away from me (EMI), and I NEVER want to go through it again… yet here I am.

You should understand that I am the type of person who needs to be constantly moving, working, producing.  I thrive when I have deadlines to meet, six projects going on at once and my next three weeks are booked.  I love that.  I hate this.

Warming up for a showcase in the hotel room, LA Feb 2012

“Patience is a virtue”, “you get out of it what you put in”, “hard work pays off” etc etc etc can all shut the fuck up.  I know what it means to put in work, don’t try to quote Gladwell’s 10,000 hours to me.  I have 7 published albums out, over 70 music videos in my lifetime (over 23MM views on the 30 or so that are online), and I manage 5 different businesses.  I turned 24 last month.  I know what it means to take risk; I do this full time.  I don’t have a job anywhere else with a secure paycheck each month.  I hunt to eat and to live.  All I’m saying is right now I’m pretty frustrated with a lot of things:  The labels take forever to make decisions.  They’re also pussies and are scared to stick their neck out and take a shot on something even if they really do believe in it.  Then, when something does break and becomes ridiculously popular, they either never mention it again because they are ashamed of their mistake or they pretend like they were behind the project all along!!  That sounds like the description of a huge bitch to me.  I’m tired of the bullshit politics, but I guess that comes with any business.  If I might take a moment to comment on music as a whole today:  I’m nearly ashamed to call myself a musician/artist, and I want to bring real music back.  I think Jason Mraz is one of the few out there still representing.  I can’t even so much as comprehend why or how all of these white frat-house rappers are making names for themselves.  I cannot believe the garbage beats most hip hop producers get away with these days; they would be laughed out of the game if this were early 2000′s when Timbaland, Dr Dre, and Kanye were on top.  I never could and still can’t believe how much nepotism there is (I would estimate at least 85% of “artists” today are only there because they were born into a connected family, not because they’re actually talented).

I follow The Rock on twitter, this tweet really inspired me to keep pushing.

It’s easy to surrender and move on, and to those that do I bid you farewell and wish you luck… but that simply isn’t for me.  I feel like I’m at the end of Act II in my own life’s play, approaching the “black point” where things can’t possibly get worse for the main character.  It’s a lot harder to address the problem (especially when the problem is you, as is the case with my music) and figure out a solution… but that’s what I’m here to do.  I didn’t come this far to throw it all away, and I’ll keep fighting for the next few years to come.  I know what regret feels like and I do not welcome it.

And so I conclude my rant.  I apologize for the profanity, I don’t usually curse, but I’m in a very angry place right now and they seem to be the only fitting terms.  I’m supposed to hear back from a few of the biggest labels I’ve met with this week, so I’m pretty anxious and expecting the worst (I’ve learned not to get my hopes up anymore in situations like these).

Isn’t it sad to see how jaded I’ve already become?

The most important tool in writing!

My longtime bro and fellow writer Josh West and I have teamed up again to get some writing done.  When it comes to films and screenplay ideas, I’ve never collaborated as well with anyone as I do with Josh.  In general, I don’t really collaborate on anything haha with music I write alone, same with music video concepts and all.

I’m pumped to get to work though.  We wrote a script two years ago — it’s about time we got some more writing out.  We’re looking at a larger-scoped project, probably with a budget of $10-$20 MM based around a group of neuroscientists who have invented a new system for pre-thought analysis.

I’m also working on a smaller project separately about a private investigator in the boondocks who stumbles on a huge US terrorist threat.  Gonna be interesting.  With these two projects added to the roster, I’ll have a total of 6 screenplays done and ready to go.  When I drop 6 movies in 2 years, 2 years from now, don’t be surprised!!

When Ricks and I travel,

The record label that flew us out = BALLING.  We flew non-stop, grabbed our luxury sedan at the rental spot and drove out to the Sheraton in Santa Monica two blocks up from the beach and the Santa Monica Pier.  Their continental breakfast alone was better than the nicest diner I’ve ever been to in my life.  Needless to say, it was awesome.  But enough about hotels and rental cars.

I met with the #2 boss dog at Interscope, who is one of the nicest guys I’ve met in my dealings with the industry.  He had checked out my stuff last week and loved my music and the few videos he had seen, and so he wanted to meet me and “feel me out” first before taking me up to the BOSS.  So he flew me out.

Our scheduled 20 minute meeting went for over an hour and a half.  I performed, played new records, old records, music videos and movie trailers.  We talked about my debut album and touring, how I self-produce everything from music to videos, and my future career in film.  I don’t count my chickens before they hatch but I do count my blessings and I think working with Interscope would be a beautiful thing!!!

They are flying me out again next week to meet with the big boss.  If you know anything about the music industry you’ll know who I’m talking about.  Rhymes with Maybelline.

Stole a few oranges off of someone's orange tree in the Hollywood Hills

Got a call last night that I’m being flown out to LA next week to meet with some extremely important people.  I can’t really release any more details (which drives me crazy!!) but I think I’m nearing my 10,000th hour; the tipping point is within my sight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long story short, I’m prepared with music.  I have 7 albums I’ve fully written, produced and published, a 7-piece and a 3-piece band for when I tour live, and more experience running music business than the majority of the idiot artists who are out there “doing it” now.  And truth be told, I’m stuck waiting around for the labels to make a decision.  This is how the game is played.  Once they do, I’ll bring my 7-piece band up to NYC to showcase (and perform the show I had ready to showcase for them last month…).  Needless to say I’m a bit annoyed at how long the industry takes to get anything done.  Every label is a huge bureaucracy and therefor they all move at about 1/the speed of sound.

I was also fortunate enough to land myself in the offices of CAA (to present my music) and got to talking about my film business too.  They were very impressed and requested my reel, which I over-nighted this morning.  If all goes well I can get back in there to talk about making some moves on the film side of things (ie getting South9 jobs producing and directing feature films with actual budgets).  I’m sorry but if Christopher Nolan could convince the studios to give him a $6MM budget for “Momento” after presenting his debut film “Following” …then I should be handed about $10MM.  And I love/fear Christopher Nolan; he amazes me to no end and continues to blow my mind every time I watch Momento/Batman/Prestige/Inception.  I wrote my senior studies dissertation on him — I know the history — and I hope I one day meet him so I can ask and find out what the fuck happened between making Following and Momento.  Because Following is garbage and Momento is brilliance.  I have the same questions flooding my mind when I think about how and why the hell artists like ________________________ got signed.  I digress.

I’ll post about the plot of my new project once I copyright it ;)